Burning Love Affair Bridges

If you knew you could cheat on your spouse and they would still love you and accept you back would you do it? Would you do it if it would hurt them deeply, yet they would not allow it to keep them from pursuing a deeper love and intimacy with you? Let’s say that your spouse is a person of great strength and character and that they would not be destroyed by such a discovery. It would hurt them, but they would still have the strength of character to do the right thing in the face of their pain. It wouldn’t destroy them and they would continue on with a healthy life. Would you cheat? Take a minute and honestly ask yourself that question.

If you said yes than you don’t love them the way God intended for you to love them. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to spot that.

When you truly love someone you are happy when they are happy, and if they are heartbroken than so are you. True love cares about their heart more than your own because their joy brings you joy. Love “lives for holding nothing back” to quote Phil Wickham.

A “yes” answer to “would you cheat?” is obviously an exceptionally selfish one. It’s easy for us to recognize that type of selfish behavior in our earthly relationships, yet for some reason when we go to apply those same principles to our relationship with our God (Jehovah) and to our Ultimate Lover Jesus Christ sometimes we tend to blur those lines of selfishness and do things that we would never get by with in an earthly relationship.

Not too long ago (after doing something exceedingly selfish and stupid) I found myself laying on my back staring up at the sky talking to God saying “God, why did I do that? That was so stupid! You know I don’t want to be that way. What’s wrong with me? What would cause me to do such a thing?” After laying there thinking about it for an extended amount of time I came to a conclusion. You know all those things I said in the first paragraph? That was why. I made a selfish decision because I knew that God would accept me back and still love me and pursue intimacy with me. I did it because I knew it wouldn’t cost me my relationship with God. I did it because I knew He would give me a second chance.

There’s a term for that . . . It’s called “abusing grace.”

If I had thought that failing would cost me my relationship with God and earn me eternal judgment in Hell than I would have thought twice about choosing to sin, but if I would have made my choice not to fail based on the fact that I wouldn’t get a second chance then I would have been making my decision based out of fear and not out of love. That wouldn’t mean much to God.

I realized laying there that night that God HAS to give us second chances in order for us to have the ability to make the choice to follow Him out of love and not out of fear. God doesn’t want followers running around trying their best to keep the commandments because they are scared of not getting a second chance. No! He wants lovers that do what pleases Him simply because they like to see their Love happy and can’t stand the thought of Jesus with a broken heart! So what’s God’s solution? He gives us as many second chances as we need waiting for us to make the choice to live right. That way, when we do finally make the choice to do the right thing we do it out of love and not out of fear.

One time years ago I was struggling with fornication, but I knew that the Lord was still pursuing me and desired to be close to me. I could tell that He was continually offering me another chance to help me get my life straightened out. Which on the outside it looked straightened out, but on the inside it was a wreck. I couldn’t figure out why the Lord kept offering me second chances. As a preacher‘s kid and as a worship leader I knew that the way I was living was an abomination to God. Yet, there He was with arms open wide. It almost frustrated me at times because I felt so unworthy, and yet it was comforting at the same time. So one day I asked Him why He kept giving me second chances and forgiving me over and over. He answered me. The conversation went like this:

Me: God why do you keep pursuing me and forgiving me over and over when you know that I am probably just going to fail and betray you again?

Jesus: For that one chance that you will finally choose to love me and quit hurting me.

Did you catch that? He gave me innumerable chances just because He wanted so bad to have a relationship with me that He would willingly place His heart on the line time and time again just for a small chance that I would finally choose to love Him. To him the risk of never being intimate with me was worse than the more probable risk of being betrayed by me.

He never came to me and said, “One more time and that’s it, you’re outta here pal!” No, instead He was always there with arms open wide trying to romance me back into relationship with Him! That way when the choice was made to clean up my act He knew it was out of love and not out of fear of rejection. Jesus wants a bride, not fearful servants.

Unfortunately, at that period in my life I allowed sin to ravage my life until it had stolen the things that I loved the most from me, but it was in that place of complete brokenness and surrender that the Lord came into my life and brought restoration and redemption. When I was down and out the Lord came to me and drew me unto Himself. I was completely undeserving and unworthy and had knowingly dug myself into a lifeless pit. And He still loved me so much that He came to me in my hopeless state and pulled me out. Amazing.

Practical steps to freedom from secret sin

So, since God is always going to give us second chances and never reject us what should we do if we are struggling with sin? How do we get free? This is what I’ve discovered – Since God is always going to give us second chances we have to burn the bridges that have connected us to our sin and not allow OURSELVES the second chance to hurt Him. If a person was crossing a bridge and wanted to ensure that they could never go back how could they accomplish this. As soon as they finish crossing the bridge set fire to it and watch it crumble to the ground. Leaving them no choice but to stay where they are. That may not make sense. Let me give you some practical examples from my life to explain what I mean. These are some of the ways and practical examples that I have burned the bridges to my sinful behaviors.

Public Confession

Bacteria breeds in the dark. As long as something is secret it will grow, but light always trumps darkness. As soon as confession happens the power of darkness immediately loses its hold. When light shines in darkness has to go.

Personal example:

One time while preaching to around 150 to 200 people (mixed company, young and old) on “freedom from addictions” the Lord told me to share my testimony of how He delivered me from masturbation when I was 17.  (There is a separate post on this blog about that specefic subject)  So I did. You could’ve heard a pin drop. Except for the occasional snicker from this one teenage guy. Lol. That was a very awkward experience for me, but I was so glad I obeyed. At the end of the service during the altar call people actually came forward for prayer! Which is a pretty bold step. New people came to church and many lives were impacted as a result of my obedience.

A month to two months after preaching that message I was attacked with intense temptation (I believe as a result of preaching against it) and after 5 years of freedom began to struggle with it again. I confessed to my leaders and was and am held accountable for maintaining purity in that area of my life. That broke the back of the temptation and once again set me free. It was humiliating to seek help with such an issue, but it was worth it. When your desire to be free exceeds your desire to keep a good reputation you will do what’s necessary to get free.

Prevention

We are told to flee temptation, not to fight it or stand up to it. If we try to fight it we will lose every time. We have to flee the very appearance of evil. So we accomplish this by taking steps that keep temptation far from us.

Personal example:

I had just failed and looked at images on line that I had no business looking at. The very next day I confessed, moved my computer out of my bedroom into the living room (where the entire family and the dog could see what I was looking at all times) and went on a schedule of not being allowed online when I would be up alone. I also became accountable and am asked on a regular basis if I am maintaining purity.

Now I could’ve chosen to handle that by just telling myself “I’ll do better next time, no need to tell anyone. I won’t let it happen again.” But by doing that I wouldn’t have removed the temptation. Which is pretty much a sure fire way of knowing that it will happen again. Every time I would have sat alone in my room the temptation would have been staring me right in the face. And I’m sure I would probably still be in bondage today had I handled it that way. But by moving my computer to the family room and asking to be held accountable I removed the temptation . . . Unless I want to look up inappropriate content with my whole family watching. . . not very tempting.

And if you are dealing with fornication with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or fiancé either break up or get married immediately. At the very least admit your struggle to your leadership and ask them to hold you accountable. But whatever you do don’t think that you can conquer it with sheer willpower. Because you will fail if you try that. You have to remove yourself from the temptation. If you make the rules, than you can break them. So bring a leader into the picture to help you.

More examples:

Below are things that I have learned from my friends and loved ones.

If you are married and are starting to have romantic emotional attachments with someone other than your spouse than separate yourself from that person immediately. Quit the job, change churches, whatever you have to do. And be open and honest with your spouse. It’s not worth it.

If you struggle with lying while in conversations write a letter with the truth. Before you start the conversation give them the letter so if you lie they know it. You have then rid yourself of the temptation to lie.

Once I had a girlfriend that was being tempted to listen to music on the radio that the Lord had instructed her not to listen to anymore. So one night she just went outside and ripped the antenna off her car! Lol. Now that is burning a bridge! Primal but very effective.

We have to get to the place of devotion in our lives where we care more about being pure than the resale value of our car (or our reputation). You will only be free when you really want to be free. God always provides a way out for us, but normally that way out is thru confession and admitting your struggles to your leaders, which is very uncomfortable. If we really love Jesus, than there will be no price to great to pay to please Him, and we will take the way out whatever it be.

If you feel like you have no one to turn to than you can email me. You have my word that it will be kept confidential. I know some people keep their sin covered up because of judgment, rejection, and condemnation that they fear receiving from the “church.” I understand that as I have felt that way before as well. But I want you to know that there no price to great to pay for freedom. Take it from a man that has walked in bondage and in freedom. Freedom is definitely better.

If Christians in the church would confess their sins and be honest about their issues rather than trying to maintain their reputation I think there would be a lot less sin in the church. I would rather be looked down upon by the religious and know that I am right with God than have a pristine reputation yet be filled with secret sin. That’s called pride.  And pride comes before a fall.  If you are on the brink of losing hope and have lost confidence in yourself than please contact me. I promise you will receive no judgment from me. Just help from a brother that has committed his life to helping people get free. If I can’t help you than I will point you to someone you can trust that can help you. This walk would have been impossible for me to walk had it not been for my loving brothers and awesome leaders to hold me accountable and encourage me when I’m down. You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s take your giant down together. My personal email is in the comments.